best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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