I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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