I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
