please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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