I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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