I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
