weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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