yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize