I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
