Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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