just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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