Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
