The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
