I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
