if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
