Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
