Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
