i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
