I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
