Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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