I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I will be naked everywhere
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
