forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize