Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
