would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
