Betty ford says i'm here all night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
