please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
