Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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