I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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