i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize