i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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