Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
