I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
God I need to hump something, right now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
