Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
