have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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