i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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