people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
