We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize