saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
