so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
