I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
