so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
