I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am available for nakedness
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
