I am puke
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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