Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
