All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
