i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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