If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
