i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
please come you make the beer taste better
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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