His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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