She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
