but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
