suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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