I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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