I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
