my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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