idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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