Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
