32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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