woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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