pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm bleeding and have questions
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
