I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
