WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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