I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
